


Someday, I will stop loving you

by Alegoria



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:02:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28600386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alegoria/pseuds/Alegoria
Summary: One day, I will wake up and surprise myself, that yes Miya Atsumu, I have finally mastered the art of not loving you in ways i used to.But for now, let me mourn, for my loss, for what we had and for what we were.Let me grieve,Let Sakusa Kiyoomi weep.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Kudos: 14





	Someday, I will stop loving you

It is not going to happen soon but it will happen eventually, for I have made a promise. A promise with myself, with my very being and my very soul, that I, Sakusa Kiyoomi, will stop loving you.

I will forget everything, everything that relates you to me, everything that brought us together, everything that made me yours and everything that made you mine. From the moment we met till the moment we were no more. I will ignore what we were, because it isn’t easy, to live with the fact that yes, once upon a time, you were indeed mine.

It's not going to be painless, oh no, nothing ever will be. You’ve ingrained yourself into my life as if you were a limb to my body and to forget you would mean that I will forever be amputated. 

I will forget the smiles I witnessed from across the table when our feet would touch. I will forget how your hand felt on mine, how the weight of your head was a comfortable warmth on my shoulder. 

How your even breaths would give me reassurance in the middle of the night. How hearing the sound of you singing in the shower, the way you lived in ignorance that I never knew, filled me with joy I didn't know I possessed. 

It's going to take a lot of grit, a lot of courage that I don’t think I possess, the dauntlessness inside me that I didn’t know existed when it came to you, but I will burn all the things that make me reminisce about you, literally and figuratively. 

Any recollection of you, any echo of yours that reverberates within the walls that I had created, that I had let down when you came into my life, the walls that I felt crumbling into the dust you leave in your wake, the very walls that are now stronger than ever, keeping this inside, letting it all simmer and manifest into an ugly beast. 

A beast I am incapable of controlling, a monster that runs wild in its cage, held down by wretched yet brittle chains.

Like a tsunami leaves nothing but destruction in its wake, misery and sadness, death and desolation, despair yet hope, the hope of maybe there is something that can be salvaged, something that may have survived. 

Something along the lines of finding light at the end of the tunnel, even though the sun has already set, and the moon is hiding behind the neverending loom of clouds.

Buried deep beneath the deepest darkest trenches known to man, under the rubble of the buildings that had fallen from the glory they once illustrated, with their gleaming windows and quintessential paint that adorned the high walls. 

That was the aftermath Atsumu, the repercussions of the compassion, the tenderness, the endearment, the adoration, care, kindness, and the pure adulation that was forever present in your gaze. 

Amounting to nothing but the facsimile of a dilapidated town, forever forgotten by its residents. Left to rot and ready to collapse at any given moment. That is what I feel, after you left. It is all that my mind can discern, the bitter taste of regret resting on my tongue. No, it’s not regret, it is so much more. Was I not enough? Or was I just simply too much.

Now when I look upon my visage reflecting in the mirror, I will not notice the sadness, the grief, the dark circles that tell parables of late night streams turning into salty oceans. No, I will not give you the inner satisfaction of the sole truth that I still somehow care. 

When I walk the roads which we have journeyed through together, I will ignore the pangs of pain my heart feels, reminding my feet of the presence of your footsteps beside them. Instead, I will immerse myself in the beauty of nature that surrounds me, the beauty that was never comparable to you. The beauty I time and time again disregarded in favour of you. 

I cannot hate you, how can anyone hate you? You are someone that attracts people like a moth drawn to a flame, even if the moth knows that its life will be short lived, it still spends the leftover time admiring the allure that attracts it. 

I know for a fact that my heart will break a million times, trying to move on, while living in the denial that maybe it's worth it, being stuck up on you. I know for sure that it is going to hurt like a bitch when I remove all traces of you that occupy my life.

I can never unlove you, a part of me will always love you Atsumu, a part will always care, as it is forever yours.

It is not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

It's not gonna happen overnight, maybe it will take months, maybe years. Maybe it will never happen, no one knows the future. Maybe you'll come back to my arms, maybe I won't welcome you, maybe i will. I don't know, but if heartbreak is what i am doomed to suffer, then getting over you is a must. So yes, it will take me time, but it will happen.

One day, I will wake up and surprise myself, that yes Miya Atsumu, I have finally mastered the art of not loving you in ways i used to.

But for now, let me mourn, for my loss, for what we had, for what we were.

Let me grieve,

Let Sakusa Kiyoomi weep.

**Author's Note:**

> So...this has been sitting in my drafts for a long time, and honestly i was just getting sick of just looking at it and editing or cutting bits out. It's angst yeah, and i guess it's something personal in a way yeap.
> 
> I'm sorry if you cried, for i did too when i was writing this. Not accounting the fact that it's 4 am in the morning and i can't sleep .....
> 
> Kudos and comments give me life ><
> 
> Take care and have a good morning/afternoon/evening <3


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